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Sending an Envelope Packed with My Finest Pubes is Simple!

"Hi! I am Pubillionaire Monty Ellington III. Some people collect women, I collect Pubes. I have for my whole life. The time has come to pass on my prized collection. I am inviting you to help me spread my passion of Pubes with those you know. Are you are interested in creating a better world? If so, below are the steps you can take to help make someones day. Help an old Pubillionaire realize his dream of creating a new generation of Pubillionaires by sending out a batch of my finest pubes today!."

Step 1. Select a premium Pube variety you think they will enjoy

Choose from my personal stash:

  • Black Gold
  • Rusty Reds
  • Granny's Grays
  • Lion's Mane

Step 2. Identify that Special Someone

Who really deserves a batch of fresh cut pubes? Who dreams of becoming a Pubillionaire?

  • Friend?
  • Roommate?
  • Boss?
  • NFL Commissioner?

Step 3. Personalization

Create a customized message to this future Pubillionaire (Up to 50 Characters).

Here are a few examples:

  • "Please enjoy a sample of my finest Pubes." Cheers, Monty
  • "Eat a big bag of shit and choke on these pubes u bitch." Love, Your Mom
  • "Thinking of you, dry your tears on these pubes." Sincerely, Fuck Off
  • "Happy Birthday! I picked these fresh pubes just for you." See you soon!

Step 4. Check out

Once your order is submitted one of our Professional Pube Packers will stuff an envelope with a huge handful of your chosen Pube variety. The envelope will be sent out within two days of your order.

Step 5. Feel Good

You have bettered society and made an old man very happy!

If there were more people like you, the world would be a much better place.

You are a great person.

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